im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
