it hurts more in the daytime
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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