why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Everything about him screamed your future.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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