did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
