i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I bet he comes in French.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
