I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
