At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
