something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
