I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
