i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
