he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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