all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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