obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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