relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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