Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
