I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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