True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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