everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize