so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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