This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
