I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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