no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
