no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize