tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
