pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
