His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
