She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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