I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
