Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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