The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
