I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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