Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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