Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we're making bets on your personal life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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