I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
