He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
