Heybabeimwearingurpanties
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
