chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
