he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we're making bets on your personal life
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
