Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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