i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
