standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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