Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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