He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
