The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
