You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
