I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
