we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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