Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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