Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
