we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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