you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
