I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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