Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
