okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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