I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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