she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
