If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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