this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
