1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
