dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I supernannyed him into submission
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
