I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
