The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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