I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
