Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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