hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
