Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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