Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
