ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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