I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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